Re: The End of Taradiddle Awards
Taradiddle Award #8 : Blockbuster Video
by The Inmate
It seemed a little strange to me to see that Blockbuster Video has ended late fees. Yes, that's what the television commercial says, "The End of Late Fees" or something similar, fortunately I haven't seen it lately. Their web site says, "No Late Fees." Wow! No late fees! That's excellent! On several occasions I've had to pay a late fee for a movie I forgot about.
So, I'm in Blockbuster the other day getting my unemployed self a movie to pass the time and the check-out clerk says the movie is due back in a week, but don't worry about it because there are no late fees. Then he says, if you bring it back after 14 days, well, then you'll have to pay $1.25. So I say, in a benign cynical voice, "No late fees—except when you bring it back after 14 days." He nods his head with a smile and I smile too as we both contemplate the ways that corporations try to make us happy.
Well, I think, that's not "No Late Fees" that's "Extended Late Fees" so I decide to go to the blockbuster web site and see what the hell is going on. On their home page you can click "The End of Late Fees Terms." And guess what? It truly is the end of the late fees—they can say it legally, because legally and technically, it is the end of late fees. Here are the terms as they are stated on the blockbuster website:
The End of Late Fees Terms
Membership rules apply for rentals. Rentals are due back at the date and time stated on the transaction receipt. There is no additional rental charge if a member keeps a rental item up to 7 days beyond the pre-paid rental period. After 7 days beyond the due date, Blockbuster will automatically convert the rental to a purchase on the 8th day and will charge the member the selling price for the item in effect at the time of the rental, minus the rental fee paid. Member then has 30 days to return the product and receive a credit for the selling price charged, less a $1.25 restocking fee. These terms available at participating stores only. Franchisee restocking fees may vary. See store or blockbuster.com for complete terms and conditions.[bold words are theirs]
I don't recall the commercial explaining that what I was really doing was purchasing the movie without my knowledge. Of course if you're unemployed you'll have time to read the terms of "The End of Late Fees" when you should be looking for a job or doing something productive. But I must admit, it's true. There are no more late fees. However, for a corporation that wants to make everyone feel really good about something it's just no fun to say, "Our Late Fees Are Extended." What kind of impact would that have on a public on the edge of its seat contemplating the Michael Jackson trial? "No, no, no!" I can hear the ad agency executives protesting. Let's say—"The END of Late Fees." "Yes, but how can we say that?" "Get your lawyers to figure it out."
Well, they did. Honestly, I would have been happy with "Extended Late Fees." Another 7 days is great, but Blockbuster ruins it in the web of corporatespeak that treats us like a bunch of idiots.
So, I've had to come out of retirement to award one last Taradiddle Award to Blockbuster Video for their immense ingenuity and creativity that truly gives us the end of late fees without truly giving us the end of late fees.
In honor of them I'm ending the Taradiddle Award—it's been bothering a lot of people—so it's over. It's finished. It's done. The End of the Taradiddle Award.*
Terms of the End of the Taradiddle
The Taradiddle Award will no longer be awarded. From now on The Taradiddle will be bestowed upon worthy entities in the corporate world. The Taradiddle Award has outgrown it usefulness, but we are confident that The Taradiddle will bring in a new era of satirical insight and cynical observations.
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