Re: Get 'em Young
Taradiddle #6
Awarded 4 March 2001
by The Inmate
There are few safe places left in the urban world to take your children. All one really can do is be aware of the dangers and attempt to thwart the forces that are trying to hurt and endanger the innocent. For example, the city mall is extremely dangerous. Toy stores are filled with "must-have" toys that will be forgotten before you can sign the credit card slip and "entertaining educational" toys that have little to do with education or good entertainment. The movie industry only wants your kid in the theater so he or she will buy the 29 stuffed animals, assorted board games, official computer games and clothes associated with their movie at the stores or fast-food joints(more dangerous places) that sell them.
A bank, however, would seem to be a place of refuge and safety. It's usually quiet in banks offering the opportunity for undisturbed thought. The tellers often count money, a necessary skill for a child to learn. Nor are banks particularly crowded and they're not trying to sell anything to your child . . . or least not most of them. Washington Mutual is the exception.
What is it that Washington Mutual has decided your child needs? Not education, good nutrition, not even a lollipop for their good behavior during their visit to the bank. No, what your child needs is their very own teller, that is, their very own "Action Teller Guy" or "Action Teller Gal." For only 19.95 plus 5.35 for shipping plus tax if you live in one of nineteen states your child can have his or her own Action Teller wearing stylish Action Teller clothing with the words "Washington Mutual" right next to the Washington Mutual logo. This way when your child is twenty and looking for their first bank some little, unexplainable thing will rattle in their head to bring back all those fond memories of playing for hours and hours with their Washington Mutual Action Tellers and they'll sign up not only for an account, but they'll probably fill out a job application too.
What do these "Action" figures do? I'm not really sure, but probably they fight other Action Teller figures from other banks that don't offer free-checking or that loan money at very, very high rates. When they're not doing that I'm sure they're processing loans for Ken and Barbie who really need the money to maintain their glamorous lifestyles. My guess is that Action Teller Guys and Gals most likely are hoping to be as rich as Ken and Barbie one day so they don't have to work at Washington Mutual.
Congratulations Washington Mutual for earning with interest The Corporate Asylum's uncoveted Taradiddle #6. Keep it in a safe place.
The Corporate Asylum will be offering Asylum Action Inmates and Wardens in the near future. Our figures will be life size and able to move and talk on their own. Inmates come in a variety of styles(incompetent, argumentative, hard-working, apathetic and amused) as do Wardens(arrogant, bossy, competent and amusing). Whatever your choice you can send them to work for you which is why your children will love them so much and they're only about the price of a new SUV. Contact us for details.
©2001 The Corporate Asylum
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