The Corporate Asylum: Key Letter

Letter to the President of Human Resources regarding a new incentive program.

[Note: The name of the company I work for has been changed(to Cheetah Express) as have any names of people within the company(I will refer to management as Wardens and workers as Inmates).]

To: Mr. Warden, President of Human Resources

From: The Inmate

Date: August 29, 1997

Re: Drive to Deliver Program/"Keys"

cc: 18 different inmates and wardens including the CEO of Cheetah Express

Money. That is why most of us work at Cheetah Express. A recent Gallup Poll indicated that of those surveyed 80% preferred money to a Christmas party or gift. Frederick Winslow Taylor in his classic, The Principles of Scientific Management, acknowledged the necessity of rewarding employees monetarily for their suggestions and contributions to the company. Robert Levering in A Great Place to Work also revealed the obvious: employees want a stake in the profits of the companies they work for in the form of money and profit sharing.

Recently I received from Field and Customer Services a thank you letter, an award pin and the notice that I have earned a "key" for my seven years of safe driving. When I first arrived at Cheetah Express, over eleven years ago, we received saving bonds for safe driving and a week of pay for perfect attendance. Then came Drive to Deliver, a program that I did not like because it eliminated cash awards, but at least we retained some choice and were sure to get something when it came to being rewarded for our accomplishments. I used points to "purchase" power tools, phones, clothes, a shop vac and other items. Now for seven years of incident free driving I get nothing, exactly what my colleagues will receive for their safe driving--that is, except for the one or two people who will win a car.

I am writing to you because your name appeared on the Drive to Deliver letter, dated February 1, 1997, that went out to Cheetah employees. I am curious as to why you do not run these new program changes by the very people that they are supposedly for. In all my years at Cheetah Express I have never once been asked what kind of incentive program I would like. Is our input important? I know exactly how that question will be answered, but unfortunately it does not reflect reality. My letter from another warden says that drivers like me are "an invaluable asset to Cheetah Express." An invaluable asset ought to be worth more than an "opportunity." Drive to Deliver does offer some cash awards for Employee Suggestions. This is great! Unfortunately, none of the other categories do. These include: Employee of the Month, Quarter and Year, Keep Doin' It Right, Safe Driving and Cheetah Express Milestones. The overbearing bureaucracy is so ridiculous that simple exceptions, for those who do not want or would never use certain awards that are offered, cannot or will not be made. Whereas it used to be that every driver who drove safely for a year or longer would be assured of getting something meaningful now only a very small percentage will. This is a better program? The couriers I have talked to say they would prefer a sure thing to an "opportunity." So would I.

I suspect that the offer of cars accomplishes two things. First, it is probably less expensive than what was previously offered. If it is not, a high rating for Drive to Deliver from all employees could have easily been achieved by awarding all who contribute with cash awards or at the very least gift certificates. The "opportunity" to win a car is only tangible for the person who wins. Hence, the rest of us get absolutely nothing for our "invaluable" contribution to Cheetah Express. Secondly, "keys" can be given away with only a minuscule economic effect to Cheetah Express. Giving "keys" to employees attempts to promote the illusion that they are getting something--but again, like it is so often, the reality is different. The only people who get something are those who win. Giving cars away sounds good initially, but a little reflection dispels that emotion quickly.

As I wrote at the beginning of this letter: we want money. That's why we applauded and enjoyed the changes to the 401k program. Instead of taking away something we had, the benefit was increased(from $400 to $500 and 25% to 40%). To whoever is responsible: bravo! The recent bonuses given to couriers due to their hard work during the UPS strike was great. I wish you could have seen, as I did, the reaction to that announcement as opposed to when the "Key" program was first unveiled. The difference was stark. Do you want couriers, Customer Service agents and other employees to like the Drive to Deliver program? Then along with the letters and pins and certificates and all that stuff that gets tossed in the nearest trash can--it's the truth--give us a check for a hundred bucks or seventy-five or fifty or whatever Cheetah Express thinks it can afford to pay its "invaluable assets." I can guarantee you that an employee's morale and view of Cheetah Express would rise significantly if he/she, in addition to a letter or an award or recognition, received a check. Most would be happy with just a check. Wouldn't you? You could eliminate the money it costs to put together the slick Drive to Deliver promotional material(artwork, writing, printing, paper, certificates, etc.), you could eliminate the meetings it takes to come up with the ideas for these programs, you could eliminate much of the bureaucracy (see 1996 Corporate goals, #8) required to maintain this system and you could even eliminate the cost for the pins, the letters, the watches, the jewelry and the plaques. Money, Mr. Warden. Not an "opportunity." Not a "key." It is not difficult to figure out. It never has been.

Sincerely,

The Inmate

©1999 The Corporate Asylu

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